I have told this story to many in short form, I have shared the message that Isis gave me, but this week I have been nudged by my guides to be vulnerable and tell this story here in its entirety.
It is a Sacred experience when we commune with our guides, it is an intimate connection with an energetic Being that has responded to you - either your needs, desires or offerings. It is an intimacy that I often feel best kept Sacred and private, but when our own experiences are Sacred perhaps we are best to share them with others, perhaps sharing our communion with Spirit Beings can help others to feel validated in their own experiences.
As someone whose most potent energetic gifts are claircognizence and clairaudience, it is more rare for me to see the guides or spirits that are around me. This does happen, but it always begins with a feeling or hearing someone speaking to me, which turns into a knowing, which can then sometimes turn into seeing. Its a fast process but that about sums it up.
Isis has been a guide for probably longer than I am aware of. I am slowly allowing myself to admit that I may very well be of her priestess lineage - but my belief is that we are all able to tap into all frequencies and lineages of spiritual paths that I stay neutral and in alignment with the Earth and Universe and allow my vibration to move closer to what it is that I currently resonate with. One era of frequency I am very attuned to is Khemet, and all of the timelines of existence in Egypt that I now give myself permission to be okay with this. to OWN that this is a path that I have walked and know. Afterall, I was a tiny seed in the ovary of my mother when she grew in the womb of her mother - in Egypt.
Anubis brought me to Isis, he has been my guide and teacher who shows me how to be a shaman, a high priestess, one who walks between worlds to open the way. On occasion, usually when I would also be working with Cacao a feminine spirit would appear and like a ribbon dancer she would move at a very fast but graceful pace around me and everything that was appearing in my vision. A clear memory of this was when I had a virtual cacao ceremony with a dear friend and during the sound journey her and her husband were holding for me I found myself stood around a large round stone altar, there were others with me, Anubis was one of them, and then Isis appeared. Her ribbon was deep brown and she was mending the connections between me and the other people as she danced and wove around the vision. It was blissful and healing.
The encounter I have been prompted to share takes me back to a difficult time in my life. A time that I am very much changed from, and a time that isn't in the too distant past at all. You see, transformation, like healing, takes time. Even though time is quantum, it is also very much linear. Perhaps we are supposed to move in and out of it, perhaps we have to know both ways. After all we tell ourselves we will learn, heal or grow "in time". We travel outside of time, only to return to the linear path and apply what we saw and experienced.
My Mum was diagnosed with cancer around 2016, although this was a tremendous shock to us all she had been suffering with lung problems since I was 15, and the cancer was explained to be slow growing and so my Mum's approach was to carry on with her life as normal.
There is a huge human desire to ignore and carry on and I think in all honesty we all did this to some extent. I offered my skills and knowledge of the holistic approaches I had learned from my studies of Esoteric healing and Ayurveda, but as hard as it was, I had to honour my mums choices.
One day in July 2022 I stood in my studio drumming, I had my eyes closed and I was taken back to a healing temple that I had visited once before. I remembered the temple clearly, and I was guided to carry out the same journey as the last time I had visited. This began with me approaching a mirror, as I did so the first time I saw myself in a different form wearing white robes tied with a rope belt, my hair and eyes were dark brown, similar to how they now, but there was a difference in the version of myself reflecting back at me. As I gazed into the mirror I saw and felt my hands come alive with an energy and I heard "your hands are alive with healing powers".
As I stood drumming and approached the mirror this time in 22, I could see myself, and I could see a woman staring back at me. As soon as I felt her gaze I heard "Isis". I spoke her name aloud as some kind of automatic response.
We gazed at one another and my instinct was to stop drumming, but as I slowed my rhythm the vision faded so I knew I had to carry on and allow myself to stay with her. Isis gazed deep into my eyes, I can see her eyes now as I recall this encounter, deep, brown and liquid like, as if I were staring into the cosmos.
As I drummed and felt her looking and moving through me I became aware of the tears rolling down my cheeks, but I couldn’t leave my inner vision, I had to be present in all dimensions of time that I was experiencing in this moment.
Almost as if Isis knew my attention was fully with her she started to speak to me. Isis told me that "for all I was about to lose, I would gain so much more." I breathed and cried, I stayed with her gaze. She continued; "everything that has ever made you see yourself as small, will be taken away. You will grow now Gemma, grow into who you are" My tears were now uncontrollable and my drumming has stopped so my vision ended, but I knew that Isis was still with me. I wrote down my experience and felt a knowing of "the beginning of the end".
Two things had happened over the few months preceding my encounter with Isis, that at this moment I could now see were connected; A person from my mum's past that had a life altering effect on her sought her out to make amends, and a close family relative had revealed some of their past to me. In my years of healing work, I know how these kinds of interactions are reflective of buried emotions being uprooted.
My Mum's visits to the hospital hastened. Lots changed. She chose to continue her approach and decided to not be informed of the changes in her lungs. When I think back on this time I see the strength it must have taken, and the inner knowing.
This is the moment my grieving process began, with my Mum still on the Earth plane. This really was the "beginning of the end" What followed from here was a very traumatic yet beautiful ending to my Mum's life. Each new and full moon her body would surge with symptoms and my sisters and I found ourselves visiting the hospital more and more.
It is not necessarily the easiest time to stay focused in your spiritual awareness when life is rolling you wave after wave of challenge, but after Isis had visited me in such a profound way, I was held safe in a Sacred knowing of two things; my Mum would safely crossover, supported and guided by the spirit Beings waiting for her. And that I was about to evolve into a different version of myself with absolutely no idea of how, but I just knew I had to surrender to everything that came my way.
My Mum crossed over in the early hours of Friday 14th October 2022, after entering the hospital for the final time on the full moon on Sunday 9th October. Her final journey in a short few days was filled with so much more Divine magic that perhaps I will share at another time. It feels very much a way to keep her memory alive.
The days following, I sat alone in my Ceremony space, allowing my body in its entirety to do what it needed to do. Waves of emotion, denial, sensations of feeling out of body, a profound sensation of loss that I could not have imagined would happen to an adult. A strong desire to isolate and grieve in private took over me, even away from my family. This helped me to remain strong for my daughter when I needed to.
One occasion whilst sitting with Cacao Isis returned. She had my Mother's Soul or spirit with her. I sobbed as I heard once again, "I will take everything that keeps you small with me now, It was mine and you no longer need to carry it".
Over two years on and I can feel her with me every day. She is Isis, she is my daughter, she is the wind and the sun on my face. I am transformed by her spirit being a part of me in ways she could never have been in her human form.
As I sit here finishing a very vulnerable expression of my Heart and Soul, tears roll down my cheeks once more, but they are not only tears of sadness, they are tears of hope and knowing. For I no longer see the smallness in myself. I no longer feel afraid to share who I am. I feel encouraged and inspired every day. I see my Mum when I look in the mirror and I let her know that she is remembered. She is Me, she is Egypt, she is all she was ever meant to be.
Thank you Isis for showing me Who I Am.
This photo was taken in Egypt, October 2010.
I wish to send my thoughts and prayers to all of those who are grieving or forever changed by the loss of a family member. Although nothing can ever replace them and the world will never be the same again, it is possible to carry them with you forever and to live with them alive within us.
There is an offering that I have had floating around for sometime that is now ready to be shared. I have named it Grief Alchemy - a 1-1 donation session for those going through their grieving process. In this session I will offer healing, support and guidance, or simply just listen - giving you a space to feel held and heard through your process.
You can find out more here:
Please share this with anyone who may benefit from a safe and sacred space to honour their human experience.
We can grow into all we need to be from the toughest of challenges. Alchemy teaches us how to turn anything that feels hurtful or harmful into fuel to transform and Become.
With Love,
Gemma x
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